Having An Affair
You might be in a nice relationship but when you see another person who you find interesting and attractive, you might think to yourself "wow she's cute, he's nice".
Whatever it is, there will be an attraction and of course that's natural, you can't stop that and just to think that you're going to say "I'm not going to look at another girl now that I'm married, only you dear, I'm not going to look at anyone else for the rest of my life" now that's a lie isn't it? You can't do that because you have lust for other girls or other guys once you get married or dating in a relationship, so be realistic and think about what you are going to do about this.
For all I know, you are probably here on laobabes.com because you have lust for Lao girls. So if your aim is not to harm another person, you need to have some restraint and use your awareness, your mindfulness to know what's harmful and not harmful to you and the person you love.
Mindfulness is very important because the mindfulness is that whether it's lust, or whether it's anger or whether it's gambling or any other addiction, there is a whole train of mental activity, a process and it's the mindfulness that which can interrupt that process at any time and stop it before it gets too bad.
By flirting is it going to contribute to the goal that you are searching for? Is it going to help? Is it going to be purposeful? What are the consequences going to be for yourself and your wife? So be aware of these things. That's what mindfulness has behind it, just that what you think what are the consequences, where is it going to lead.
What mindfulness does is that it's like when a train is trying to stop with so much weight behind it. If there is an obstruction on the rail in front of it and the train driver tries to put on the brakes and stop immediately, it just can't be done, momentum is too strong and it can't stop straight away. Which is why sometimes there are these terrible crashes when a car cross the railway line. The train driver sees it but it's going too fast to stop. This is what happens when you try and catch your lust when it's gone too far, momentum is too strong and you can't stop it straight away.
Well the best time to stop a train is when it's first moving out of the station and it's still going slow so it's easy to stop it. So one of the great things about mindfulness is that you can see the process happening and you can stop it earlier if you think it's not going to help you.
So if you have a nice wife, a beautiful girlfriend, or handsome guy, instead of just allowing the whole process to get so inflamed and out of control that you are under the power of lust and you can't stop it anymore, you try and stop it earlier. If you see a nice girl who is really hot, she's amazing, if you see that whole process happening then stop it now before it gets too late. It's called a simple "restraint".
You need to have a restraint with your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend or whatever. Because you should know that if you're already in a relationship and you are having an affair and sex outside that relationship, that's going to really hurt someone. I don't think you can actually say that your wife will say to you "oh yeah go ahead, go and do it, go and sleep with my best friend, or that young girl in Laos, I don't mind". I think that most people would mind if you cheat in your relationship. So that's an example of harming someone else.
To be able to stop that thing, obviously you have to be able to want to stop it, and that's where the wisdom comes up.
Don't be stupid and think you're in control of these things because once you flirt and get too far, you get out of control and crazy of lust.
You think you will never get caught, but you do get caught. Your wife is no idiot, she will know the signs and know what's going on. It's amazing how many men have an affair and they think, you know I'm in complete control, it's only abit of fun, my wife won't ever find out. And then when she does find out, the guy tries to sort out the problems, begging her to give him another chance, it could lead to divorce, splitting money issues and custody battles.
There is a danger there so don't let it go so far to the point that you go crazy and you lose your common sense because you will get caught.
Are you willing to have that problem in your relationship and do that to the person you love? And if you have kids, do you even care about how they will feel? So this is actually our mindfulness and wisdom that don't allow us to go to such a point where you get crazy and we lose the sense of reality. Sexuality is a strong force and most men can't control it, when it gets so far that's it, the affair keeps going on and on, sometimes you know it's going to hurt your wife and kids or your girlfriend. You should have known earlier so please learn and program yourself to recognise the signs of danger.
So to wrap up this article, be aware of how these things affect you. You don't want to cause misery for yourself and alot of problems for the people you love and care about. And we also understand with some wisdom about the dangers in these things, so like drinking at the bar or club with a nice girl, it can be fun but there's a danger there. And also with everything else, whether it's eating, gambling, watching movies, chatting with girls on the internet or whatever, we know the dangers which are there. So please know how we relate to them when it gets too far.